


I tried but not hard enough

by rabiddog



Series: Requests [14]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji is Bad at Feelings, Akaashi Keiji-centric, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Poor Akaashi Keiji, Poor Kageyama Tobio, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:21:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28394547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rabiddog/pseuds/rabiddog
Summary: "Goodbye then, Akaashi-san, thank you!"Akaashi has had his soulmate's last words printed along his wrist for as long as he can remember. He'd been hoping to never, ever hear them.Apparently luck isn't on his side.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Kageyama Tobio, Akaashi Keiji/Kageyama Tobio
Series: Requests [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2031349
Comments: 17
Kudos: 180





	I tried but not hard enough

For as long as he can remember, Akaashi has had his soulmate's last words printed across the skin on his inner wrist. They're dark and crisp – a clear reminder against his pale tone that he _does_ , in fact, have a soulmate, and they _are_ going to die while the two will already know each other. 

It hurts. It really, really hurts. 

Or at least, it had at first. 

It had hurt when Keiji had finally begun to understand what the ingrained tattoo had meant when he was just around 12 years old, really. His chest had ached uncomfortably, and his eyes had wept for somebody he hadn't even met yet. He'd been broken, unrepairable, shattered, for a good few months of his life – an empty shell of the boy he had once been. 

But then it had sunk in. The harsh reality of 'if I force myself not to care, then it won't affect me when I hear those words' had made a home inside of Keiji's trembling, quivering mind, and he'd forced himself to believe it. 

Walls had been put up, dark, towering walls with iron gates and obsidian plates around both Akaashi's heart and soul. They were impenetrable – immune to any sort of emotion-filled attack. 

Surely, it would be the best outcome for both himself and his mystery soulmate anyway. They wouldn't be attached, and whoever died second wouldn't have to carry around any guilt or longing for their fallen counterpart. It was a perfect idea, at least in Akaashi's mind. 

So, he did what he had to; he let himself go. He let the whimsical, fantastical ideas about a perfect life with his soulmate disappear entirely. Gone were the hopeful, perfect dreams; gone were the desperate reaches for a happy future; gone were any tiny hints of pleasure or joy Akaashi might have gotten from his fated partner. 

Instead, it had all been replaced with cold, cold, cold thoughts of a lonely life spent wallowing in his own guilt and self-pity. But that was fine. It was better than never-ending pain and longing, right? 

Now, Akaashi would never have to hear the words, _**'Goodbye then, Akaashi-san, thank you!'**_ and know that he was about to lose somebody incredibly dear to him. 

There would be absolutely no emotional connection, and that was fine. 

Until he met Kageyama Tobio. 

His soulmate. 

The very first contact that the two had shared together hadn't been much. Kageyama had been choking on one meat bun or another, and Akaashi couldn't just stand around and let it happen. As much as he preferred to keep himself away from the other teams while in their breaks during the training camps, Keiji had stepped forwards, letting his hand slap down against the younger man's back repeatedly in a continuous motion. 

Kageyama had choked and choked, and then finally caught his breath after a particularly hard hit. He was gasping and swallowing around a dry throat, his face redder than the deep colour of Nekoma's stark uniform, but he had seemed relatively okay. 

At least he wasn't choking anymore, Keiji had mused to himself, turning away from the display to focus on his own meal. 

He hadn't really cared that much if he was honest. At that point in time, Kageyama was just another player, a genius, prodigy-like player that made envy grow along Keiji's bones, but another player, nonetheless. Kageyama was a first-year, and Akaashi had done his duty. That was that. 

_”Thank you, Akaashi-san!”_

Just as Akaashi had tried to focus back on his own little world, Kageyama had effortlessly broken in, his voice a little scratchier than how it usually was when he was shouting at Hinata during a practice match. Keiji's heart had flickered nervously anyway, for whatever reason. 

_“Ah, no problem, Kageyama-kun.”_

That had been their whole interaction and only interaction for the first few days. 

But apparently, due to the few words they'd shared together (and probably the fact that Akaashi was quite a highly-skilled setter), Kageyama had made it his one mission to get Keiji to give him some pointers on his setting skills. 

At first, Keiji had completely shut him down – or at least tried to. He had Bokuto he needed to practice with; he didn't have the time, couldn't Kageyama ask Sugawara, or perhaps even Kenma? The excuses had been at the tip of his tongue; he was ready to unleash them on the nervous first-year. 

But those eyes. Those blue, blue ocean eyes with pools of a twinkling mountain lake and the remarkable recreation of the calm before the storm. They'd drawn Keiji in and trapped him completely. 

So, he'd agreed. 

Keiji had spent the last day of the training camp, mainly with Kageyama. Of course, Akaashi had played the few practice matches that Fukurodani was a part of, and the same for Kageyama with Karasuno, but the two had actually had a lot of time to practice together. 

Much to Akaashi's slight chagrin. 

Kageyama was amazing. He was an incredibly talented player, having so much ability in every single position in volleyball. He wasn't just a brilliant setter – he was much more than that. Much more than Keiji could even try to begin to explain. 

Not that that should have mattered to Akaashi, seeing as again, Kageyama was _just_ another player. He was an opponent and somebody that Akaashi really needed to look towards to improve himself; he should be taking tips, perhaps. (Even if Kageyama was actually looking up to _him_ more than anything.) 

Keiji didn't need to get attached. It wasn't like Kageyama was his _soulmate_ or anything. 

The two had practiced together, right up until the bell signaling the end of the camp had rung along the halls in a repeating, monotone drill. Akaashi had sighed, picked up his things, and looked towards Kageyama. 

_" I'll walk you to your bus, if you'd like, Kageyama-kun."_

(Akaashi didn't know why the blinding smile that Kageyama had offered up at that proposition had made his heart flutter and his mind bloom with red hearts.) 

_”Yes please, Akaashi-san!”_

Walking Kageyama back to Karasuno's bus had been both awkward and not at the same time. It was different than walking with Keiji's own teammates, especially Bokuto. While he didn't like to compare people, Koutarou and Kageyama couldn't be more opposite to each other. 

While Kageyama was quiet, walking carefully next to Akaashi and had been trying to match their steps as best he could, Bokuto was like a raging ball of constant energy. He was always bounding around and pointing out every little thing for Akaashi to 'gawk' at with him. It was charming and somewhat heart-warming, but sometimes a little annoying too. 

For whatever reason, Keiji found himself enjoying the first-year's company just a little more than his captain's. 

(Not that he'd ever tell Bokuto that.) 

"Here we are, Kageyama-kun." Akaashi nodded, taking a pause as the two arrived at the large expanse of the parking lot. Coaches were parked up alongside each other, the various teams invited to the camp ambling around as they chatted amongst others. Keji could spot both his own team and Karasuno. 

"Oh, right!" 

Kageyama offered another one of his wide, blinding smiles towards Akaashi before beginning to walk away. 

Keiji's heart ached uncomfortably, and his mouth felt dry and scorching. A part of his mind was screaming, telling him that he couldn't just end their somewhat budding... friendship.... (?) like that. He needed to say more. So he did. 

"Goodbye!" 

Kageyama paused briefly, his body turning slightly so he could glance towards Akaashi. There was that smile. 

_" Goodbye then, Akaashi-san, thank you!"_

Oh. 

So, Kageyama was his soulmate. 

And Kageyama was going to die.

**Author's Note:**

> CC: [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/rabiddogs)  
> Twitter: [Wilbyz](https://twitter.com/wiIbyz)


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